When I think of the life I've lived so far, of all that has been; all the setbacks and triumphs, all the relationships - love as friendship; all dreams that were not fulfilled and everything that did not go according to plan, I am filled with a feeling similar to sadness. Maybe we can call it melancholy?
I'm a person who loves to make plans, to dream and have high visions about my life. I'm not that fond of mediocrity. I have strong ideas and values. Most of the time I'm full of creative energy that, often, help me achieve my goals.
Although this desire to live an extraordinary life is amazing in many ways and the part that makes me love life, the coin has another side as well. When things do not go as I visualized, hoped and believed, it hits hard, hard as hell.
This has been an ongoing experience for me throughout my whole life. Like a broken record on repeat. Hope turns into disbelief. Energy into stagnation. Joy into sadness.
I don't want to diminish feelings, because I do believe that it's all a part of life. The only way out is through, to create wellness and harmony we need to FEEL more. So this year, instead of pushing my feelings away when my life didn't go in the direction I (thought I) wanted it to - I sat down with those feelings instead.
I felt the sadness.
I felt the regret.
I felt the doubt.
I felt the hopelessness.
I felt it all.
And it was painful.
On the other side was something I've never felt before.
I felt the presence of Spirit (or God, or Universe, or the Divine...), of being supported, of being safe, of being here, now.
In that space of light I knew....
Everything will be okey in the end. And if it's not okey, it's not the end.